I didn’t imagine the plays would be this good. Well good is a weak term for how I have experienced them. Transcendent (maybe) astonishing (perhaps) genuine (yes) deeply surprising (yes) All of them so far, but the latest one Angels in America (part one and two) seven hours long and I didn’t want it to end. From my comfy chair I got up and applauded.
Including plenty of new music – lot of classical – I’m still enjoying classic albums (the Stones are really good) perhaps, for me, the greatest non-Beatles production is Marquee Moon by Television who, to my intense disappointment did precisely fuck all of note after it.
This time I got the bus to Llandudno and walked back home over the Little Orme. It changes perspective doing a thing in the way you normally don’t and, in this instance I was struck by the paths going in different directions,so I took a few. Like Bryn Eurin they go allover, not surprising really as these places have eons of human history and billions of footprints on their backs. Got to be careful on the Ormes as you are never far from a drop but it’s usually worth it to have an explore. Most times on a walk if I have a sit down I’m up again soon but I found a little sheltered outcrop that was so peaceful and lovely I stayed a while. I’ll find this again.
Uhm, still not sure about the house. I’ll say again, it’s too big for me but, then again, the space is fantastic, quandary. The proximity is perfect, a dream place to live (well it is for me) so why do I want to go through the rigmarole, I do know. Well mainly I’m a bit worried about the roof. When we moved here the survey suggested it would need replacing in a few years. It also stated that this goes for any property on the coast with original Welsh slate roof. They worry you these surveys. So, it’s making me a bit insecure. I can afford to live here comfortably if I don’t have to do it, even if I do I could sort the finances out, yet I don’t want to go through that hassle either. And I’m 67 this year and although I feel really good with no niggles that can change quickly. I’m not ready to be spoon fed yet but a nice bungalow would be easier in the coming years. Then again who knows, I might be still a bit useful into my 80s. So, there is is, quandary. Anyway another three footy matches today after a lovely walk up the Bryn.
Classic album time again, Wednesday, done me washing and a few jobs, now then it could, of course, be any one they did but I fancy Help! Jesus I remember hearing the title track when I was six or seven and thinking even then that this was perfect. Fact: no one has ever or will ever do a Beatles song better than they did.
From it being a long, tough day’s fishing todays trip to Holyhead was different. I took my electric bike on the train. Admittedly I was a bit nervous as to how it would work out but it went great. The main difference is that it was much easier physically (not a small factor at 66) and also much quicker. I set off at sevenish had a good session and was back, showered and watching the footy at quarter to six. The fishing was a bit slow, not surprising as it is still early in the year, but I did manage a few whiting, a little pollack, a mackerel and some strange looking starfish.
As much as a person living in an advanced society can say that they are living alone I can say it. Physically – that is residing alone – it has been four months, in that time I have practised a life that suits my character, experience and predlictions. Yesterday I realised that it is a significant period of time – so long that I can’t remember – since I was really angry or properly frustrated by anything. I live by the sea in a beautiful place, I am healthy and fit, my time is my own and I have the means to pursue interests. I have the same fears and worries that (I presume) other people have although I practice defensive methods against them. The big house that I live in, the one I was desperate to move to a few years ago, is now up for sale, in the expectation that moving will be somehow better for me. It might. If it sells then all well and good, if it doesn’t then I will stay and be very, very grateful.
Chuffed. Got up at six fifteen, lovely morning although frosty so decided, before tea and toast, to cycle to Old Colwyn and pump some bait with the new pump.
Now pumping lug in winter is notoriously difficult, they tend to go deep, and I am an advanced beginner at it, so I had to manage my expectations. Well, as I said, chuffed, enough good worms for a decent session in less than half an hour, looking forward to going again, love it.
Lovely morning. Had a bit of breakfast, did a bit of drawing then got on my bike, cycled along the promenade, parked up at the Orme (Little) and had a walk to the first level. Delightful.
Put the house up for sale after a good bit of umming and aching, well two viewing requests and two cancellations and already I’m regretting it. To recap, the main reason for selling is that it’s a big older house and, if I was looking just for myself with this budget it would never come close. However, it is a great house in a fantastic location and I can afford it so, really, I’m futurproofing but I don’t need to just yet so I am thinking about pulling it already.
And the location wow, I mean it’s perfect. Apart from the proximity to the promenade (stones throw) I’ve just cycle to the foot of Bryn Eirin (few hundred yards) and had a delightful woodland walk. Tomorrow it’s a short cycle to the Little Orme which, once climbed, offers stunning views. Friday I might get the bus to Conwy and have a stroll round the castle.
Just been for a couple of hours, neatly went last night maybe should have, blank but (honestly) really enjoyed it, first day of spring I reckon.
Possibly the biggest mistake I have made regarding the nature of thought and ideas is believing my existential anxiety is unique to my being. Schopenhauer imbued Buddhist thought into his cycle of human suffering (desire-satisfaction-boredom) and he was right to do so. The incidious ideology that human pain and suffering is an individual phenomenon that can be cured (therapy, medication, lifestyle etc) shows itself to be wrong through compound increases of mental illness. It is hard to be sustainably peaceful in the mind, it might even be impossible. Whatever form of happiness you have been sold probably needs to be returned as defective. So, then, it’s not about me, but, still, it’s me that feels it. What to do. Well, I do know that hitting it with drink and drugs works only in the very short term and with decreasing effect. Everyone knows this really. I watched a short film about Buddhist monk last night and was taken by certain similarities with my daily life. I don’t know any other way, it hasn’t led me to a blissful state yet, far from it, but – like other things I believe are worth doing – it takes practice.
Mmm, to avoid misunderstanding I disrespect dropout Buddhist monk life. They renounce responsibility (letting go) but demand others feed them. They renounce material comfort (letting go) but seem not to mind a nice warm place to sit and chant. Well you see where this is going, I’ve thought for a while that the idea should be to wrestle peace from the hustle of the society you are in, without living on the periphery being a beggar.
Adam is in Japan with his girlfriend Mirika having a wonderful time, not too shabby a period of life really.
Just ordered a new bait pump, boy am I not a good purchaser (do I need it, will the cheap ones do ok, etc) but I’m 66, retired, love fishing, live by the sea, so why wouldn’t I get the best pump on the market? Well I have so there. Went early this morning three hours after high tide, beautiful morning.
One of my several reasons for being repulsed by internal combustion engine personal carriages is that, for most of the time they do nothing. They are just there, outrageously expensive lumps of polluting, decaying metal, waiting to be driven a mile and a half to a shop. Got rid of that bad idea 14 years ago and, although it is occasionally tempting, haven’t regretted it since. I’m a bit like that with the house. Just had it valued with an eye on moving the main reason being that I don’t need all this space. And it’s an older property so requires looking after but, again, what do I need three shower rooms for, and two kitchens? But then again I am right next to the sea so, well, there is a lot of weighing up to do but, I think, the time is right.
Finished decorating the annexe kitchen. It’s brand new but was never decorated by Carol’s mother when she lived with us. We would have done it for her but I was against it as she was a difficult individual, passive aggressive. So it’s another winter job done and yesterday I started the garden, just a good tidy up to begin with, which is a big part of what gardening is and what the big majority of people don’t do. So my attention will be on that as the days get longer, that and fishing of course. The little upstairs room that’s not a bedroom is now a craft room (well it used to be for Carol’s sewing etc) for terraniums, fishing rigs or anything else I fancy doing that I used to do in the garage. Still going for a decent walk every day and doing a bit of yoga both of which seem easier since I had my legs done.
I’ve watched number of plays since subscribing to National Theatre at Home, all have been rewarding experiences, some deeply so. Yesterday it was Consent played with well-known actors on a minimal set and, at the end, I applauded for the duration the actual audience did. And it wasn’t the first time I have done this.
Had lunch yesterday (10th Feb) at Anne and Peter’s new house in Deganwy. The views from the house are breathtaking and walking there from Llandudno I thought again about moving, wasn’t overly tempted though. Something else I thought about on the way was classical music. I’ve mentioned my continuing attempt to saturate myself into loving the realm without much joy, however, I think I know why. I am conditioned by language and trained in ideas. Therefore I always look for essence, a reason, a point, position or motivation. With text or speech this – to me – is comfortable. If reading it’s one sentence, talking one voice, thinking and interpreting in concepts. Popular music is almost always predictable, common time, hook/melody, lyric, fits what I am expecting. Classical music is different. Instruments communicating with each other, sometimes solo of course, but often two, seven, three, twenty, more, less, all at once, on their own. I can’t understand it with my mindset. So change the mindset then.
Bit more on the classic album stuff. I sort of didn’t listen to much new music from about 79-80 until, ironically, I heard Wonderwall on the car radio when it came out and I thought, yep, something in this. The irony is that I think Oasis are possibly the most overated band ever. No doubt they have some great tunes and bags of style but, compared with other groups of around the same period then, nah. I’ve mentioned the three Mansun albums and Supergrass, I would say, are probably the best, however, The Manic Street Preachers have two albums The Holy Bible and Everything Must Go which have great music and serious subject matter, something The Clash only managed once on their eponymous first (which is definitely a classic album)
Cracking on with my winter gardening projects…
Only a few generations past people were unadventurous. Unless nomadic they were born and lived within a confined radius. Family was crucial as was community. A journey by carriage or horseback was limited to, perhaps, 15 miles, less so of course, on foot. Colloquial talk, local products, rivalries and all the rest stem from these little enclosures. Then railways connected the dots, then roads and planes now, in a different way, perhaps, the Internet. We are all over the place today, in mind and body, off here and there like it’s normal or, at least, what we should aspire to. I’ve been to more than a few places although Adam and Daniel – who have travelled to China, Japan and SE Asia – perhaps see me as parochial. Well they may be right. I thought that, given this time and means, I might be off here and there doing this and that but, do you know what, I don’t want to. Living in an amazing place is a significant factor but it’s a little more than that. Life is complex requiring adaptation and, at this moment, travelling would mean frustration. I love getting up early to read, listen to classical music, cook, bake, draw, play guitar, walk along the prom and, well you get the drift. So much that I get great satisfaction in doing, small things sometimes like making better veggie sausages (see photo) Soon I’ll be turning attention towards the outdoors, gardening, walking in Snowdonia (which I regard as localish) fishing on Anglesey (same) so no, further afield, why?
The debate with myself continues whether I should up sticks or stay. A few pros and cons of course and, in the mornings the pros have it. I’m 66, it’s a big house, too big really, but I’m fit and capable so I can run it but that won’t always be the case, but at the moment it’s now so that’s that. Why do people move? To live in a better place maybe, well If I do move I’ll be staying in Rhos so thats a non applicable. Better house, for me that would mean a smaller one (not that small btw) and a newer model (easier to maintain) But then there is the work involved in moving and I’ll have to do it all on my own, so, would my energy be better utilised by staying here. Do I love the house? Do you have to love where you live? I absolutely love where it is so, in a way, yes I do love it. And I’m not forgetting it’s the back end of winter, when spring bounces everything changes, it’s all in the mind you know.
Still getting up before six. I’m used to this now and, if I wasn’t engaged to doing stuff, the days – especially in winter – might seem a little long, but I readily welcome the good start to the morning. I was thinking on yesterday’s walk that the new sea fishing season is nearly here, as soon as the lug start producing in numbers I’m off to Holyhead and night fishing at OC. I did consider a winter jaunt to Lanzarote or Hereford (big difference) for some alternative fishing but, as I’ve just stated, I’m pretty well content with my life in this wonderful place. Still listening to classical, generally and specifically. For instance, I’m allocating an hour to listen to a symphony on most days. I can now appreciate the real difference say between Mozart 40 and Bruckner 5 but as for the depth of feeling generally it’s still elusive. Although I will say that listening to such masterful works is beneficial in ways different from anything else.
Nearly two months since the new phase of my life started and the transition has been managed well. I approach the practical aspect as an opportunity. Cleaning becomes an opportunity to exercise with the bonus of a feel good factor. Cooking and food is the most important aspect of health so I approach this with serious mindfulness. Every meal is set out well, balanced, home made, nutritious, delicious, a pleasure. I bake (bread, cakes, cookies, granola etc) so snacking is also a joy, lots of fruit of course and, recently, seitan with quality soy sauce is fantastic. The household management I have simplified. No direct debits (why do companies love them so much?) all outgoings geared to what I need and payed when the companies send me itemised invoices. I am a customer and they will treat me as one. Personal health and hygiene is synonymous with physical and mental well being. Clothes, put neatly away at night regardless of how tired I am, is an important part of this. Formal exercise, stretching and yoga in the morning, a walk (30 minutes min) daily and intermittent strength exercises. And then, of course, there is the other stuff. Most/many/majority/nearly all, people require some form of regular company. I believe that it is common for lonely individuals to obtain a pet ‘for company’ I never feel alone. I’m sure that some will indicate the irony of keeping a journal as a beacon of loneliness, in my case they would be wrong. Everyday offers something new, a new scale/song to practice, new drawing, new painting, Shakespeare/Wodehouse, music in every room when I want it classical, rock, jazz, gardening, fishing and, gulp, I’m going to start a model railway. No, you’re right, the last one does qualify me as a sad old bastard.
Treated myself to a new telly, biggish one, just set it up and watched another National Theatre at Home production with the lovely, late Helen McCrory, fantastic experience.
So, for me, this is how knowing a bit of music theory helps. In addition to daily practice of grade 4 pieces, scales, bluegrass and blues, I try to work out some Beatles songs in chord melody. What this involves is playing the song recognisably both rhythmically and melodically. I can do a few so far (not all my arrangements) and the next one is She’s Leaving Home, an incredible song. My old Beatles chord book is the bones to start from, most importantly to give me the key and the changes. Usually the opening vocal chord is the key and this song is in E major. From this the scale is E-F#-G#-A-B-C#-D# and those are the chords that you look out for together with the major chord progressions. It doesn’t always follow predictable pattern of course, certainly not with The Beatles, but it gives you a good guide.As for the melody well I find it helps to sing it, and I know how these songs go. Then you find the notes on the guitar which are usually in the chord progression. I struggled a little on the second phrase Bm(sus4) until I applied the modal scale of which B is the fifth of E the myxolodian. I know this is basic level theory but it really helps my understanding of what’s going on, a bit like learning a magic trick although, with great songs there is always magic that can never be explained.
By referring to myself and how I live broad ethical generalisations are, hopefully, tempered. Now, my mind is relatively peaceful and untroubled by practical or existential thoughts. By no means has that always been the case and I fully understand why it isn’t for many. How is it possible – when a person has to get up when they don’t want to, do activities that are against their nature, work without purpose or meaning, struggle fulfilling imposed expectations and all the rest that we all have known – to be sustainably at ease physically and mentally. It is not possible. Peace of mind, nirvana, is an end state, something to be worked towards, chipped away at like a marble block, for yourself only. And when the conditions are amenable to commit to it then, really, why wouldn’t you?
I ensure each morning that something practical gets done. This could be, like just now while my tea brews, that the washing machine goes on and the kitchen gets tidied. Or yesterday when I put sealant around the guest shower and thoroughly cleaned one of the bedrooms. Of course then there is my stuff (particularly pleased with guitarist atm) and the cooking/baking. I don’t buy food that is marketed (aka highly processed) so that means a bit more work in the short term but with enormous benefits in the long. I’ve never got veggie sausages right, can’t seem to get them to bind, until now. I’ve come across wheat gluten (traditionally highly processed but, obviously not marketed) which is a superb source of protein and binds well, that and nutritional yeast made the sausages look like what you would expect, bit of tweaking and fanny’s your aunt. Yesterday, stem ginger and treacle tray bake, and that turned out goooood.
When people used to buy music with money they were very careful about what they bought. So, on the whole, popular music was a meritocracy, if yours sold you were usually alright. And The Jam sold ship loads for a fair while, singles and albums. Here’s the thing as well, the 60s, which folk rightly praise as golden, was overall (one exception) a singles decade, a hit was what the record companies wanted and there was one or two. Not until the early 70s did bands really produce albums as units of worth (Stones, Stevie Wonder, Floyd etc) from the off The Jam did bot, even a great band like Slade were singles driven, but not the boys from Woking. I was a massive fan, bought everything, knew all the songs on all the albums so, with this in mind I could have chosen any one with the exception of Modern World as my first classic album of 2026. I decided on All Mod Cons, it’s perhaps 30 years ish since I last heard it, it’s superb.
Boy it was cold. Michelin man layers but still cold, after a couple of casts I thought about coming back. Actually, as I was all hygge at home it took a bit of self persuasion to get me there in the first place, but you’re lost if you don’t do stuff. As it is winter holidays the platform was busy but I managed to get a space, didn’t speak to anyone for a change and didn’t feel inclined to either. As for the fishing almost he same as last year, total rods about a dozen and not a whiting between us. I have mentioned previously that without them sea fishermen are very likely to blank in the cold months, well I didn’t (only one ha!) with two rocking and a flattie.
Thinking in the present, so how is it done then? Breathing, meditation, mindfulness? All commendable methods although, I believe, it can’t be done. Further, I argue that focusing on it as an aspiration is unproductive to achieving what we all want, a peaceful mind. I don’t want to forget my past, it can be a burden sometimes but I see it as a (mostly) constant reminder of how I can improve. I don’t want to ignore my future for the same reason. Happy new year.
Michael Leo Parker 